30 Angsts: The Live Journal Challenge
by coldfiredragon
Summary: This fic is a series of challenge fics for the 30 Angsts Live Journal Community. The pairing for all chapters is RobinSpeedy expect slash and varying ratings with a ton of themes. Chap 5, Theme Broken added
1. Just Called To Say

**Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Titans or DC comics.

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**Title: "I Just Called To Say"**

**Theme #: **3. Hand phone; cell phone; mobile phone (a call from heaven)

Roy lay back on his bed and stared at the phone in his outstretched hand. He wanted to call Dick and hear the sound of his boyfriend's voice but he was almost sure that Dick would do exactly what Dick always did which was half listen to him while he poured over some case file or another. He would either half ignore the red-headed archer or he would reprimand Roy for calling him at the wrong time. Mr. Perfect Boy Wonder didn't want their friends knowing about their hushed little relationship. Part of it was for security reasons, the more people who knew they were together the higher the risk to both of them. That was Robin's logic for keeping the fact that they were together a secret. The Titans were their friends though, they should have been able to tell their friends shouldn't they?

He allowed his hand to fall to his side and the phone slipped from his limp grasp. Not being able to tell his team had set him apart from the other members of the Titans West team even more than he already had been. He had always been a bit of a loner. He wasn't like Robin, he couldn't just hide what he was feeling under a perfect mask. He needed his friendships to keep him grounded but his inability to talk to them about something that had become a major part of his life was eating at him.

He knew that Dick cared about him, he could hear the slight hints of emotion whenever they actually took the time to speak to one another but those moments were almost non-existent when Robin threw himself into a case or when he believed his team needed him. The team always came first, Roy had accepted that from day one. He had never tried to challenge Robin's focus on the team. He knew that if he did then the rare moments that he and Dick had together would cease to exist. He needed those rare moments when Dick would actually stop what he was doing and speak to him, perhaps even tell Roy that he loved him. Dick meant those words, he said them so rarely that Roy knew he meant them.

He raised the phone again and pressed the speed- dial button and raised the small instrument to his ear. He could feel the phone trembling in his hand as it rang; once, twice, three, two more times and it would go to voice mail, four.

"What?" Roy sighed sighed softly, realizing that he had obviously called at a bad time. The voice on the other end was Robin, not Dick, as Roy had been hoping.

"Hey."

"What do you need Roy?"

"I just called to say hi." He tried not to let the distress that he was feeling transfer through the phone. He knew that Robin would pick up on it, knew that it would upset the other boy.

"Look Roy I really don't have time to chat. I'm working on a case."

"I just..." He knew Robin had picked up on the fact that he was upset by this point. He knew the instant that Robin realized something wasn't quite right. When he spoke again the voice had changed. It became softer and laced with gentle emotion. It was the voice he had been hoping to hear when he first dialed Dick's number.

"Roy are you okay?" Relief surged through the archer's mind and he relaxed slightly. He could talk to Dick whereas talking to Robin almost always made him uncomfortable.

"Yeah I'm okay. I miss you. I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes." Dick remained silent for a second as he internalized those words. When he finally spoke it was the voice that Roy loved, the voice that Dick used when he meant what he wanted to say. He sat up slowly and held the phone closer to his ear, not want to miss anything that Dick said to him. This was one of those rare moments that made him love Dick so much it hurt.

"I miss you..." The sound of an alarm sounding in the background on Robin's end of the line stopped his words.

"I have to go. I'll call you later." Just like that Dick was gone and the Robin that put his team above everything else was back and Roy knew that his call had been pushed to the back burner.

"I just wanted to tell you..." The line clicked dead before Roy was even able to finish his sentence. "that I love you." He finished the sentence aloud even if no one was on the other end to hear it. He finished it even as tears welled to his eyes and tracked down his cheeks. Just once he wanted to be important enough to Robin to come before the team. Roy stared down at his cell phone even as his vision blurred and a solitary tear fell from his cheeks to impact against the plastic screen. He didn't even realize that he had launched the phone at the wall until he heard the sickening crunch of plastic when it impacted.

The sound caused his head to snap upwards and he stared at the destroy device in frustration, not really caring that he now had to go through the hassle of getting a new phone with the same number so Dick wouldn't figure out what he had done. More tears continued to track down his face as he curled into a ball on his bed. His hands bunched in the sheets as he laid there sobbing. All he wanted was to come first, just once.

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	2. Moving Targets

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or DC comics, the fic is for pleasure**

**Robin/Speedy Slash, PG

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**Title: "Moving Targets"**

**THEME:** 7. Interest or _(crying for you one last time)_

Speedy focused on pulling the bow back. He had been at this for what seemed like ages and the weight of his quiver against his back told him exactly how many arrows he had left. The moving targets danced all around him and he forced himself to concentrate. If he concentrated each shot would mean more and he would actually walk away from the simulation with arrows left in the quiver. He didn't know why he constantly continued to practice. He had worked through every course that the practice range was capable of producing a dozen times over and he knew exactly when and where a new enemy would pop up.

The first rule of superheroing, never fall into patterns because the villains are never predictable, just like regular life is never predictable. He could walk through these routines in his sleep and come out without a scratch and a couple more arrows to spare each time. If only he had that kind of control in other parts of his life. He would have given anything to know in advance when he would get to spend a quiet moment alone with Dick or predict how long he would be alone with his boyfriend before someone interrupted them.

Life wasn't the practice range though and he wouldn't know in advance that the target sniping him in the upper corner of the range would fire 5 rounds at 3 second intervals before retreating to find cover. He also wouldn't know that it would come out 47 seconds later and repeat the process unless he put an arrow through it the first time.

He released another arrow and watched in satisfaction as it hit the intended target just as a second target passed behind it. That effectively ended the simulation and he shifted his quiver off his shoulder as he walked towards the exit of the practice range. Aqualad and Bumblebee were waiting for him as he stepped into the hallway.

"That was your best time for that course yet. Congratulations." The archer gave the Atlantean the requisite high five as Bee spoke. Speedy heard the words but his mind couldn't help but wonder as Bee continued to talk. He had heard most of her critiques before and right now he didn't want to listen to them again. He wondered what Robin would have said about his results, whether the other boy would congratulate him or criticize him or actually give him that small smile that Dick set aside especially for him. Thoughts of that smile brought to mind memories of the last time he and Dick had actually seen each other.

"Speedy are you listening to me?" He nodded slightly. "Then what did I say?" He sighed again and listed off the list of complaints she had given him over a hundred times. He wasn't changing his fighting style for her. He had already told her that but she still insisted on complaining about the same things over and over again. She said she wanted to make him a better team player but Speedy had never been a real team player, not even when he had been under Green Arrow's wing. His mentor had eventually given up critiquing his style and regulated himself to being happy that his ward's tactics got the job done. Speedy cared about his friends and he would always be there to help them in battle but he wasn't going to change himself to suit their vision of what he should be.

"Are we done for the day?" He asked when he had finished speaking and Bee had thrown her arms in the air and walked off in a huff. He was tired, and even half listening to Bee had given him a headache. All he really wanted was to relax against Dick's chest while the other boy ran his hand through his hair, like they had done the last time they had been together. But since he didn't even know when he would see his boyfriend again what he wanted didn't really matter all that much. He heard Bee scream quietly in frustration when he asked his question and took that to mean that yes they were finished for the day. He waved to Aqualad and took off for his room.

He finally reached the safety of his room and once he entered and locked the door he walked over to the bed and dropped onto it. He really should shower but he was just too tired and if he laid there long enough he could almost remember what it had felt like to have Dick lying beside him. The last visit from the Titans West team had been fun and emotionally taxing for both of them. It had been particularly memorable for Speedy though. The way they had crept around the tower at night to see each other had been a game that they had both found themselves enjoying and despising.

The best part of that visit had been the night that Robin had found him practicing alone in the archery range at 3 in the morning. He remembered being so frustrated by the fact that even with Dick just down the hall they still couldn't be together like he wanted them to be. Dick had found him and knowing why he was upset had done the one thing he knew he could do that would break the ice between them. He had joined him. It was the first time Dick had ever shown an interest in using a bow and even though the dark-haired boy had received some training with the weapon from Batman his ability had been nowhere near Roy's own. His initial pulls had been disjointed and jerky and even though the arrows hit the target they were no where near accurate. It had brought a smile to Roy's face to watch him try though. Dick, for his part, had been both bothered and amused enough my his own failure to give Roy 'that' smile, the one that sent shivers down the archer's spine.

Eventually he had taken pity on Dick and decided to help him. Roy squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face against his pillow as he remembered how close together they had been during that whole experience. He had shown the other boy exactly how to stand and how to hold the bow and when Dick had pulled the weapon he had even adjusted the angle that he held his elbow so that the arrow would fly straighter when it was released. The first arrow had hit the target with considerably better accuracy and the two of them had stayed close, enjoying the 'innocent' physical contact because they could and they wanted to. By the time they had finished Dick was a much better shot and Roy had gotten to spend nearly two hours with the two things he loved most in his life.

Dick had left soon after that and Roy took the time to put their weapons away before he headed to his room only to find that Dick had slipped in before him. He had been pleasantly surprised and definitely not one to complain as he had curled up beside Dick on the bed and finally fallen asleep to the feeling of Dick's fingers in his hair.

With an aggravated sigh Roy pushed the memories of that night away. As much as he wanted Dick to be beside him he wasn't and the world was unpredictable which meant that Roy had no idea how long it would be before Dick was by his side again.

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**Thanks guys, please drop reviews letting me know what you thought.**


	3. To Touch the Devil

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or DC comics. This fic is purely for pleasure and not profit.**

**AN: This is set during the fourth season episode "The End Part 2".

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Title: To Touch the Devil**

**Theme:** 25. To touch the Devil is to die (dying from bliss)

**Summary: Robin can't help but think about Speedy as he wanders through the destruction of Jump City.**

The city is a wasteland. I've never seen such complete and utter destruction in my life. I make my way through the silent streets and with each step my senses are assaulted with horrors that I can hardly comprehend, that I don't comprehend. My mind, trained by Batman himself, subconsciously takes in every little detail but all my eyes see is his face, Roy's face. It's strange that his face is the only thing I can think of at a time like this. Each frozen figure I pass has Roy's face. I know I'm hallucinating, I have to be, he's not really here and none of these people look a thing like him. It's the end of the world and all my fogged superhero trained mind can think of is Roy's fate. Were he and the other members of Titans East frozen in stone like everyone else. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever Trigon did affected not only Jump City but the rest of the world as well.

I should be worried about Raven and if it is possible for her to even survive what had happened to her. She had protected me, why would she protect me? I have impressive abilities for a human but I'm not Superman. I'm not even Batman. My eyes travel to the blood-red sky and I realize that even if Raven had saved Superman instead of me he still wouldn't be able to do anything. I can't do anything against a demon who turned the earth into an extension of hell in mere moments. I should be worried about the other Titans, did they survive as well or was I the only one that Raven was able to protect?

My hands are shaking and I lean against the desolated husk of a building. I can't do this by myself, I can't do anything. I couldn't protect the city I had sworn to protect and I couldn't protect the people I love. What good is all my training if I can't protect the people most important to me. Roy's face flashes in my mind followed by the faces of Bruce, Alfred, Raven, Cyborg, Starfire, Beast Boy and countless others that I've known in my life, that I knew in my life. They could all be dead right now and I might be all that if left. The thought of being alone terrifies me and my hands start to shake harder. I don't want to be alone.

A shadow passes over me and I force myself to snap out of the near hysterical state that my mind had started to slip into.

"Whose there?" The shadow passes overhead a second time and my eyes follow it. Inside I'm rejoicing that something has seemed to survive. The shadow lands and I realize that it's a Raven. A Raven.

"Raven?" I speak the girl's name and the bird takes flight. The mere thought of being alone again sends spears of panic deep into my gut and I begin chasing the bird. As I move I realize that she is leading me somewhere. When I reach the top of the tower like structure she has guided me to I can't help but drop to my knees as I stare out over the utter destruction that surrounds me. I can't change this. Why did she bring me here? Why did she leave me alone again?

The idea that I shouldn't be kneeling at the edge of a destroyed structure registers seconds to late as the concrete under my knees gives way and I scream as I'm pitched forward. The images of my friends and family flash through my mind with the image of Roy lingering the longest. I truly believe I'm going to die as I fall forward and all I can see is the ground as it starts rushing upward to meet my face. At the last second something grabs my arm. My eyes snap upward and I note with relief that it's Cyborg. He quickly hauls me back up and I stand on shaking legs as Starfire joins us. She immediately wraps her arms around me and the whole time she holds me I allow myself to pretend that her embrace is the embrace of another red-head with bright green eyes. She finally lets me go and I realize that Beast Boy had arrived while Starfire had been clinging to me, while I had been thinking about Roy.

I feel only slightly better knowing that I wasn't the only one that Raven had protected. She protected us for a reason and together we just might stand a chance. I also know all too well that we could die if we attempt to fight Trigon. It's a chance I'm willing to take though, if it means that I have a chance to save Roy, and Raven, and Bruce, and everyone else that is important to me. I realize that I have to convince the others to keep trying as well.

"As long as we are still here we have a chance. And that's why we're going to keep fighting." I hold my hand out and pray that I inspired them enough that they are willing to keep fighting. "For Raven." I want so desperately to say Roy's name instead but I know the archer's codename only holds significance for me. My words have the desired effect and one by one my friends extend their hands and place them over mine. As they do so each of them speaks those two words. "For Raven." My words have become the mantra that they will use to continue fighting. I have my reason to keep fighting and now they have their's as well.


	4. Devil and Angel

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or DC comics. The fic is purely for pleasure and not for profit.**

**AN: slightly influenced by Devin Grayson's new novel "Inheritance" which I highly recommend to all.**

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**Title: "Angel and Devil"**

**Theme:** 4. Angels and Devils; Disguise (wings stain with blood)

**Summary: It was those eyes that could make him do anything**

Dick was fully convinced that the devil was a male. There was no way that he could be female. Females held their own hazards, they could drag you to the mall and talk for hours on end about nothing but they were not devils. Dick was also convinced that the devil was a red-head and that he had the brightest emerald eyes that Dick had ever seen in his life.

It was the eyes that could convince him to drop anything and everything. He should be working on a case, or a number of cases, or training, or storming around the tower being the insomniac that he was refuted to be. Instead he was lying on his side with his cheek propped against his hand watching the chest of a red-headed boy rise and fall as he slept. The green eyes that could make Dick do anything were closed and when he slept Dick would swear that Roy was an angel simply because those sparkling green pools weren't brimming with mischief and daring him to step outside his boundaries.

Dick did not like to step outside his boundaries and it made his relationship with Roy that much more complicated. The archer thrived on impulse and Dick liked to obsess over the details. The archer convinced him to do things he would never do and to allow things that he would never allow. One of those things was allowing Roy to fall asleep in his bed. The door to his room was locked but it was still possible for one of the other Titans to get into his room if they really needed to and having one of them find Roy in his bed would bring about questions he wasn't ready to answer.

Roy shifted in his sleep and unconsciously moved a little closer to Dick. Even in his sleep the archer sought the warmth and acceptance he only seemed to find in Dick's embrace. Life had dealt both of them pretty bad hands and Roy's hand had been a lot worse then Dick's. Despite that they had made the best of them by turning to each other. Dick raised his hand and gently ran it through Roy's sleep tousled hair. He loved running his finger's through Roy's hair. The action always calmed him. The other boy stirred but didn't awaken, somehow knowing that Dick's touch meant him no harm.

With a sigh Dick wrapped his arm loosely around the other boy's waist and scooted a little closer to the sleeping archer. They both needed to sleep and Dick had found that he was most rested when Roy slept against him. He knew that he would have to wake Roy up in a couple of hours so the other boy could go back to his room before the other Titans discovered them. A couple of hours was better then nothing.

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**This was the first real drabble I've ever done. Do you guys like the shorter style or should I try to make them longer? Let me know in a review. I appreciate the input so thanks in advance guys.**


	5. Broken

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or DC Comics. The fic is for pleasure not profit.**

**AN: Set during "Titans Together"**

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**Title: "Broken"**

**Theme:** 1. Broken (Killing for the sake of Killing)

"Patiently we watched you all... waiting for our moment to strike. You forged your alliance. You trusted without cause. And, finally when you thought your world was safe... it fell apart before your very eyes. You are merely pawns in a game-- and you played your part perfectly. There is nowhere you can hide, and there is nothing you can do to stop us. Each victory brings us closer to an even greater prize. The elimination of an entire generation of heroes." The mechanical voice stopped for a moment and Robin felt chills run down his spine. "And I owe it all to you, Robin."

_/"The elimation of an entire generation of heroes."/_ The words echoed in his mind and the young leader's chin fell against his chest. He had failed, he had led them all to their deaths. They were all going to be frozen in ice and it was his fault. Robin fought desperatly to keep the tears that were burning at his eyes from falling. He had been so set on building his network that he had led the Brotherhood right to every last one of them. They would have been safe had he never given them the communicators.

_/Roy would be safe./_ The sound of the machinery coming to life caused his gaze to drift to the floor and his eyes widened in horror as he watched Roy being brought forward. All he could do was watch in silent terror as Roy started to panic. _/"the elimination of an entire generation of heroes."/_ The words wouldn't leave his mind as Roy glanced up and their eyes masked gazes met. _/I failed. I failed to protect him./_ The chamber slid into place and Robin held his breath, hoping for a last second miracle that wouldn't come. /_"An entire generation of heroes."/ _The cloud of icy vapor cleared and Robin's eyes widened as tears spilled past the confines of his mask. _/I failed./_ He didn't feel the pain of his knees as he fell to the ground. _/I failed./_ He didn't hear the soft sob that escaped his throat. _/I failed him./_ There was nothing he could do but watch as each captured Titan was brought forth and frozen. His mind was trapped in an endless loop of Roy's panicked expression and the knowledge that he was the one who helped put it there.

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**Short I know. Let me know what you think though.**


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